I Have to Face it – SAH is a Sociopath
Author: JustMe
I know that the word sociopath has strong connotations associated with it. I really am not throwing it around lightly, but I do feel I have to finally face it – and get it through my head for my own sanity – SAH is a sociopath. I had a friend who is a nurse in a psychiatric hospital tell me that she felt that he fit the sociopathic personality. After doing some research I have to agree. It’s still hard, because I still care about him and I wish it wasn’t this way – but it seems to be the case. Supposedly there is no hope for a sociopath either.
Here are the traits that make up a sociopath…
Glibness and Superficial Charm
Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as “their right.”
Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
Incapacity for Love
Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.
Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others’ feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.
Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet “gets by” by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.
Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others’ lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.
Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.
Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.
http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html
Pseudo-Scientific Psychopath Detector
A site had an online “diagnosis” with these various traits and reported back various diagnosis. I don’t know how accurate it is of course. I generally don’t trust these things on the internet, but here it is anyway as it applies to SAH.
Glibness/superficial charm: YES
Egocentric, exaggerated self-image: YES
Need for stimulation/bored easily: YES
Pathological lying: YES
Conning and manipulativeness: YES
Lack of remorse or guilt: SOMEWHAT
Shallow emotions: SOMEWHAT
Callousness and lack of empathy: SOMEWHAT
Parasitic lifestyle: YES
Poor behavioral controls: YES
Sexual promiscuity: YES
Childhood behavior problems: NO
Lack of realistic long-term goals: YES
Impulsivity: YES
Irresponsibility: YES
Failure to accept responsibility for actions: YES
Many short-term relationships: SOMEWHAT
Varied criminal behavior: SOMEWHAT
Posts ‘first’ messages: NO
Probable diagnosis = Psychopath
Now I chose “Yes” for both “Superficial Charm” and “Egocentric” based on descriptions of these two things on other sites. I would have probably have put “Somewhat” otherwise. If I chose “Somewhat” then the probable diagnosis is Moderate Psychopath.
The reason why I put “yes” for Egocentric was in several places it had described as “expecting things” and “feeling a right to things”. This fits SAH to a T going by that definition. He was always talking about what everyone else had and how he felt he deserved that stuff and how dare they drive that kind of car, etc. He literally hated people who had more than him.
For Superficial Charm I answered “Yes” because it’s described as being charming and very nice to people. Not that there is anything wrong with that in and of itself, but it’s when it isn’t genuine that is the problem. He was very nice to LB for instance, very charming, but it was just because he wanted to have phone sex. He was horny and being nice and charming was the means to that end. The reason why I was going to put “somewhat” is because it is impossible to know if he was never really genuine with his charm. SAH seems very charismatic, but then he claims that no one likes him. I disagree with that though – I haven’t met anyone who has come into contact with him who doesn’t like him. You meet him and he’s the nicest person in the world. But as several sites said – they put on a good image, but it is superficial.
I plan on getting two books to further study this more in depth…
The Sociopath Next Door
Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us
One thing is the conscience piece. That seems to be key from the medical sites I have looked at. A person doesn’t need all the traits described above – but one thing is clear – they really can’t have any regret for what they do. There were times where I felt that SAH really regretted what he did – but as the saying goes – “is the thief sorry for stealing, or just sorry for getting caught”. For instance, the one time SAH stole from me – he completely denied it, tried putting the blame on me for not believing him. I told him I was done, I never wanted to see him again and I went home. After he was done with work he stopped over and wanted to talk. He ultimately broke down crying saying he did steal the DVDs. The question is – did he really feel remorse, or was he just afraid of losing someone who he felt he needed in his life to continue bailing him out? I just don’t know. Like I said before, our friendship wasn’t always so one sided.
I need to find out for my own sanity though. He may or may not try to come back into my life, but I NEED to be prepared. I need to figure this out so I don’t fall victim again.
